Thanksgiving is just tomorrow and i havent really thought about it or if im looking forward to it or not? I dont know why, every year is the same with my moms side of my family. I havent really seen any of my family since last Christmas so I am excited to see all of them. Its always nice to spend time with your family especially your grandparents. I always think about going to go see them and spending time with them but ofcourse my social life and just pure laziness always gets in the way. Thats ofcourse because I let it. As I'm getting older I'am more aware of who and what Im grateful for. Every year I see myself getting older and finding out more and more new things about myself. When I was younger it was mostly just about myself and what I needed and wanted. Now I find myself thinking about others before myself. I'am grateful for so many things in my life. Just the little things like my mom telling me she loves me before she drops me off at school. Or, in the mornings when she wakes me up and lays next to me for 5 minutes. Not everyone has a mom that is there for them and as I'm getting older I see how much I am grateful for her. I'm grateful for the sunshine. Waking up in the morning and seeing the sun shining through my window. Yes, its very cold out there but atleast we have the sun to put a smile on our face. Life is just filled with so many gifts and surprises that something new each day I become more and more gratful for. As time goes by, I find myself losing things that I was once grateful for and now I cant even be the same way because its gone. You know everyone knows the old saying "You never know what you lost until its gone" and I think thats falls into the category. We as people, as human beings take things for granite every single day, we do it with us not even noticing it. When we lost someone or somthing unexpectedly it feels for awhile there then we have lost everything even though we havent but, its feels like we have. I think when that happens to someone it really shows you how to appreciate things more and be grateful for what you do have and not envy what you dont have. Its hard to lose somthing you once had but, I think it all makes us a stronger person and teaches us how to learn and grow and most of all to appreciate and be grateful for YOUR life.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
focus(free write(;scattered brain
My mind is continuing. I feel like I always say this in like almost every piece of writing I do thats either random or about myself. Ugh sometimes I really do feel crazy. I cant help it. People think Im on something but im not, i dunno..like i just get this burst of energy that i rarely ever get but then again i always get it. I feel so different from everyone else. Everyone is calm and can focus on their work and what they are told to do But I cant! I just talk and talk and talk! other days its like i dont wanna talk to anyone but today for some reason i wanna scream soooooooooooo loud! i wanna smoke a bunch of cigs and i wanna be around a bunch of ppl, i hope this is not a sign? okay now im just thinking crazy. Why do i always get paranoid?? i hate it! see before i was really happy but like everyone knows things dont last forever and i know for sure happiness does not! what if something bad happens to me? see now im just paranoid or thinking im jinxing it! I wonder what makes the brain work like this...what triggers people out of nowhere with no specific reason to just act so hyper and crazy and talk about things just randomly. My teahcers tell me to focus, i wanna be like do you really think i can focus now? When I say focus I think of medecine. My whole life my teachers have told me I should be on medecation err whatever, i tried it once and i hated it, i wasnt me anymore...why would i not want to be happy?? Focusing has so much defenition for it. You have to literally train your body and mind to focus, well for my atleast you do. I cant just sit there and listen and pay attention, I have to actually get my mind in a different setting and for me to really know whats going on I have to have no distractions and really focus in. I think my main non talented thing i can do if that even makes sense to you ppl, is FOCUSING! wtf??? how can ppl just focus like that? dont they have thoughts or any triggeres that are making them not? i know i do, maybe its controlling your thoughts and putting them off to another hour in your day to worry about them or to think about them. I cant do that. When I start thinking about somthing, ill just keep thinking and thinking about it and I might go onto another subject and be listening or whatever but in the back of my mind i still have that one thought! Focusing can get very complicated. i feel like im one of those hyper acting never ending crazy little 8 yr old boys who cant sit still, the only thing thats making me sit still is this screen im looking at and the keyboad for my fingers to move across, once i turn off this computer and im headed for my 6th hour. good luck cadex! lol just kidding but no really, hopefully ill be able to focus in his class cuz i think hes losing his patience with me.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
quote of the night :)
"Never change who you are because only YOU can be the one and only YOU" you know..this really gets to me. After reading it I was like I have to go and save this in my phone so I remember it at all times, HA! I know. Everything about it just makes so much sense, and not alot of things make sense to me. I'm always analyzing things in a way it gets me confused. Alot of people just think I'm stupid but I'm far from stupid. Ha, thats what I think is so funny about it all. I'm just thinking harder and beyond whatever everyone else is thinking. Anyways, thats besides what Im trying to say. I just had to throw that in there. There is so many different people in this world all over and noone is exactly alike. For instance, twins even. They might look alike but they dont have the same DNA. People might act very similar or even laugh a certain way or have the same looks but noone is exactly the same. So what I love about his quote is its saying love who YOU are, love what YOU do and how YOU are because noone else can ever be like YOU. Change can sometimes be in a good way and sometimes for the better but never change who your about or what you stand for. If you ever start second thinking yourself just stop. Be loyal to yourself and never let your quard down on anything.
parents
Parents are a huge part of their childrens lives and really do have a big impact on their childrens thoughts, actions, and life itself. I dont always think parents think that way. I woke up this morning to my parents arguing and yelling and I didnt think anything accept why cant they just get along? It really concerns me in a way of my own being. I dont want to end up like them. I dont want to end up having a horrible relationship with my husband after seventeen years together. What happens overtime with kids and their parents start showing in the later years and I really begin to see that happening with me. I wish I can just make everything better and make them get along but the damage is too far done and there is no going back in my eyes. Its hard to see both sides sometimes but I mostly do. Only because I love both of them so much I cant help but not. My mom always asks me if what my dad does has an impact on my life? I usually answer with "ofcourse it does mom" but, then its just back to whatever we were watching on t.v. or talking about. I cant really talk about my feelings with my mom like I want to, I dont think it will change anything. I have all these feelings inside of myself that build up overtimes of me not saying anything and then once somthing really huge happens I blow up and spit everything out at them. Thats not good because their not listening to what Im really saying, they are watching me blow up and hurt about the situation. I hope sometimes the look on my face is more clear to them then my words are. I woke up this morning asking my dad to take to school, I was still half asleep when I was talking to him. He said "no" right away so I screamed PRICK at him. Instantly he reacted and I could tell I said somthing wrong. After seventeen years I called him that. I could tell it was a word he never would of thought I would call him. It was funny because when my mom got home he told her what I said and she instantly said "olivia why would you say that"? so she was obviously concerned why I would call my dad that. Sometimes just one word you can say to someone has so much meaning behind it. You can confuse people one you just say "bitch", or "prick", or idiot". You just dont know whats behind it. Ofcourse you know what the word means but people can lash out in different ways. Well, when my mom stuck up for my dad right away I kinda had security that she still cared about him and that was a different feeling I have had in awhile towards them.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
death and really thinking
So today I went to my friends house to borrow one oh her purses and we began talking about all our partyin we do and who we hangout with. I found out of my friends (acquaintances) I know, who I uset to party with all the time this past summer, her brother was shot and killed at once. At first I was told it was her cousin Josh. I knew him and uset to party with him every weekend for like 2 months so I quickly felt this weird feeling that I never felt before. I never had someone close to me or someone I knew die before so it was all new to me. At first it didnt hit me yet but then I started thinking about the last time I saw him and what we did together..I started crying and just thinking about him as a person and how I knew him. I soon began to tell people that knew him too and all that. I found out it wasnt the kid I knew and it was my friends brother. All of a suddenn my feelings changed. It was still sad but not as sad as when I thought it was someone I knew. It weird how we have these feelings for someone we knew or someone we even met, or someone we hung out for a little bit and all of a sudden they can be gone and you have this feeling that you never felt before take over your body. Its also true that I found out tonight is not believe everything you hear at first hand because the whole story can be changed around. I never knew what it was like to lose someone that you knew until tonight. Its a horrible feeling and I would never wanna feel that again. I cant even begin to imagine what this boys mom or sister feels. If I felt so horrible and barely knowing him...imagine the people that know him best. I just cant imagine it but life is life and it throws the unexpected at you all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I can deal with the unexpected constantly. It gets old sometimes. Also, I have really been thinking about my partyin and who I associate myself with. This past weekend one of my really goof friends got jumped by dudes and he doesnt remember who they were or why they did. He doesnt even remember anything about it. That really scares me because I found him upstairs passed out in a bedroom when we were getting ready to leave. What if I found him dead? I wouldnt know what to do, say, why people did this, or who did it. The unexpected can always happen at a house party especially when there are so many different types of people there, different crowds, gangs, race, gender, relationships, etc. You just never know. And when there are drugs and alcohol involved..wow Im only 16 and I have seen so much due to those! Alot of things have been happening and I dont even want to go out on the weekends anymore..I dont wanna be that girl on the news talking about my bestfriend getting shot or murdered or beat up whatever it might be I dont wanna be her. Shit, even the girl who is on the news because she got murdered. All the partying is just not worth it. I guess it has to take someone close to you getting hurt or killed to finally wake up and realize you dont always have to party or drink. Because sometimes the night you might this will be a blast will turn out to be either your last night over somthing stupid and pointless or somone close to you due to the same situation.
Space and whats really out there.
( I started writing at 9:10 and finished and 9:52)
So I decided to pick the topic space to do some research on. As Im reading through articles I have found they are constantly mentioning "theories" to why things are and how the things started throughout time in space. It amazes me that everything involving science can be found out and scientists can dig, dig, and dig to get so much informantion on all these other things but noone can figure out space. I have always been interested in space and learning about it. The whole thinking of it just blows my mind away. Spa ce I think will always be unknown to me and to other people. Us as humans cant get the whole concept of it. Theories we have as people are always with other people like what we think is going out with them, or what really happened? You know, gossip or what events really happened in the past that we do research for but space is a whole nother topic that we cant just quite reach. One thing that caught my eye is there are stars out there that fail and they end up dying. I knew that starts dont live forever but it says that they live from 1 million to 3 million years. They say thats young! They are about 520 years away and in the range in mass from 40 to 70 times the heft of Jupiter. Thats huge! Earth is almost invisible to Jupiter and Earth is pretty damn big to us people. They also say that the Sun us 4.6 billion years old. Im still considering if thats fact or if scientists just say that to make it some like they have some facts about our solar system. How would they be able to figure how old the sun is but not be able to figure out how the planets were made? I mean for how long now has the world been talking about the "big bang theory"? I just dont believe that. There is no way that all of a sudden everything just banged together and the plants were formed..It would of had to take some kind of higher power to do this. Everything in life considering our earth and other planets, space, etc just doesnt happened there has to be a story behind it. The starts that soon end up failing out which is 1 to 3 million years of living are called brown dwarf. Scientists dont know how life can form on them if all the plants around them are dark and cold. Im still trying to get the answer if planets can soon end up giving up. Stars are actually way different the planets. I would think planets would be around forever well until the world ends that is..or would the planets still be around? I mean we just never know. I think the thing that amazes me about space is were always left with wondering and whats really going on? I mean space is so huge and everything is so far away we just cant realize how everything is so BIG! I mean, the largest star out there is ofcourse called a Red Giant. The sun in the picture shows that being invisible to it. And our sun is pretty damn big. People say that the Sun is the biggest star but its really not. The largest planet in our solar system is Jupiter. The red spot on that planet is bigger then the Earth. Jupiters overall size is 318 times greater then the earth. Jupiter is 2.5 times greater then all of the planets combined. It takes this planet 4,333 days to orbit the Sun one full time. Jupiter has 63 discovered moons on record. The larget planet out there that was discovered shouldnt even be that big according to its mass. The planet is about 1.7 times as big as Jupiter making that almost twice the side. It has cloudy planets all around it. Its existence cant even be explained by current models. Tres-4 is the largest planet out there that scientists can find, there could be more larger plants but we have no way of measuring theur sizes because they dont transit. In the reading I read that our Sun will become a Red Giant one day but for another billion years. I just dont get how they knows this but cant figure out the questions that people are always wondering..? They say that once Earth becomes a Red Giant is will make Earth disappear. Tres-4 seems to be a mistery to why its so large. All the research they have done on it doesnt make sense to it size.
www.space.com/scienceastronomy
So I decided to pick the topic space to do some research on. As Im reading through articles I have found they are constantly mentioning "theories" to why things are and how the things started throughout time in space. It amazes me that everything involving science can be found out and scientists can dig, dig, and dig to get so much informantion on all these other things but noone can figure out space. I have always been interested in space and learning about it. The whole thinking of it just blows my mind away. Spa ce I think will always be unknown to me and to other people. Us as humans cant get the whole concept of it. Theories we have as people are always with other people like what we think is going out with them, or what really happened? You know, gossip or what events really happened in the past that we do research for but space is a whole nother topic that we cant just quite reach. One thing that caught my eye is there are stars out there that fail and they end up dying. I knew that starts dont live forever but it says that they live from 1 million to 3 million years. They say thats young! They are about 520 years away and in the range in mass from 40 to 70 times the heft of Jupiter. Thats huge! Earth is almost invisible to Jupiter and Earth is pretty damn big to us people. They also say that the Sun us 4.6 billion years old. Im still considering if thats fact or if scientists just say that to make it some like they have some facts about our solar system. How would they be able to figure how old the sun is but not be able to figure out how the planets were made? I mean for how long now has the world been talking about the "big bang theory"? I just dont believe that. There is no way that all of a sudden everything just banged together and the plants were formed..It would of had to take some kind of higher power to do this. Everything in life considering our earth and other planets, space, etc just doesnt happened there has to be a story behind it. The starts that soon end up failing out which is 1 to 3 million years of living are called brown dwarf. Scientists dont know how life can form on them if all the plants around them are dark and cold. Im still trying to get the answer if planets can soon end up giving up. Stars are actually way different the planets. I would think planets would be around forever well until the world ends that is..or would the planets still be around? I mean we just never know. I think the thing that amazes me about space is were always left with wondering and whats really going on? I mean space is so huge and everything is so far away we just cant realize how everything is so BIG! I mean, the largest star out there is ofcourse called a Red Giant. The sun in the picture shows that being invisible to it. And our sun is pretty damn big. People say that the Sun is the biggest star but its really not. The largest planet in our solar system is Jupiter. The red spot on that planet is bigger then the Earth. Jupiters overall size is 318 times greater then the earth. Jupiter is 2.5 times greater then all of the planets combined. It takes this planet 4,333 days to orbit the Sun one full time. Jupiter has 63 discovered moons on record. The larget planet out there that was discovered shouldnt even be that big according to its mass. The planet is about 1.7 times as big as Jupiter making that almost twice the side. It has cloudy planets all around it. Its existence cant even be explained by current models. Tres-4 is the largest planet out there that scientists can find, there could be more larger plants but we have no way of measuring theur sizes because they dont transit. In the reading I read that our Sun will become a Red Giant one day but for another billion years. I just dont get how they knows this but cant figure out the questions that people are always wondering..? They say that once Earth becomes a Red Giant is will make Earth disappear. Tres-4 seems to be a mistery to why its so large. All the research they have done on it doesnt make sense to it size.
www.space.com/scienceastronomy
Monday, November 17, 2008
adult blogs continuing...
Steven d. levitt-
I found this blog written by him concering someone elses thoughts. He viewed Gary Becker's theory on addiction and what he thinks is the biggest thing to become addicted to. He said that most people are addicts in some way and get addicted to something. He took a poll on what people think is the most addictive thing on earth is. Most people threw out things like crack or caffine, heroine. But, he didnt want to throw a blog out there on the obvious answer or what people automatically think the answer is. He listed 4 things on what it means to be addcited to something and what happens during the period of time. Gary Becker said that "falling in love" is the most addictive thing a person can come to. I agree with him fully. Mostly towards younger people.All us teens and younger people are searching for acceptance and someone to love and someone to share our love with. Everyone wants a person to lean on and share everything with..yeah we have our close friends to do that with but us as human beings want that intimate side too and I agree with him on love is the most addictive thing out there.
Gary becker and Richard Posner-
This blog that I read of theirs is on drunk driving. They say that this is the biggest crime people do in the United States. Unlike Sweden or other countries, people are smarter about this and make their choices on what they are going to do after they are done drinking. He does not agree that people make their choices on drunk driving during this time or after the times of their drinks. He says people fear punishment, they make them before driving if they have drank alot. He thinks that the harm due to others while drunk driving shout be the same as the person doing it. United States has over 40,000 deaths per year due to drunk driving. Becker claims that during the Holiday season that is when there are the most accidents and deaths due to driving back from parties for the holiday and holiday parties. The United states law on drunk driving and their punishment has not been high but recently due to the group called Mothers against drunk driving..the punishments for drunk driving has gained high alost 40 percent. I like this blog because it gives alot of facts about drunk driving and percentages on things. I think he has a good idea on the whole thing and is really clear on it all.
I found this blog written by him concering someone elses thoughts. He viewed Gary Becker's theory on addiction and what he thinks is the biggest thing to become addicted to. He said that most people are addicts in some way and get addicted to something. He took a poll on what people think is the most addictive thing on earth is. Most people threw out things like crack or caffine, heroine. But, he didnt want to throw a blog out there on the obvious answer or what people automatically think the answer is. He listed 4 things on what it means to be addcited to something and what happens during the period of time. Gary Becker said that "falling in love" is the most addictive thing a person can come to. I agree with him fully. Mostly towards younger people.All us teens and younger people are searching for acceptance and someone to love and someone to share our love with. Everyone wants a person to lean on and share everything with..yeah we have our close friends to do that with but us as human beings want that intimate side too and I agree with him on love is the most addictive thing out there.
Gary becker and Richard Posner-
This blog that I read of theirs is on drunk driving. They say that this is the biggest crime people do in the United States. Unlike Sweden or other countries, people are smarter about this and make their choices on what they are going to do after they are done drinking. He does not agree that people make their choices on drunk driving during this time or after the times of their drinks. He says people fear punishment, they make them before driving if they have drank alot. He thinks that the harm due to others while drunk driving shout be the same as the person doing it. United States has over 40,000 deaths per year due to drunk driving. Becker claims that during the Holiday season that is when there are the most accidents and deaths due to driving back from parties for the holiday and holiday parties. The United states law on drunk driving and their punishment has not been high but recently due to the group called Mothers against drunk driving..the punishments for drunk driving has gained high alost 40 percent. I like this blog because it gives alot of facts about drunk driving and percentages on things. I think he has a good idea on the whole thing and is really clear on it all.
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