Just yesterday I was having such a great and fantastic day. I felt like life couldn't get better. I was in such a good mood, my dad was normal, my parents were getting along, I went out to eat with my family and my aunt that's in town for a week. I hung out with a few friends and still life was good. That all changed when I got home at 10 last night. Just when you think everything is good, life has to change its mind on you. I really didn't see it coming this time. I feel like a fool believing him and taking his word. One min you feel down and out the next, your up and in. I hate revolving my feelings around other people but it's easier said then done. When someone you love and care about does something upsetting, it's hard to not base your attitude on that particular situation. People don't understand that when they mess up or do something that they might regret the next day or a couple days later, people that love them get hurt in the process too. Thats the problem with addicts, theres a chemical embalance that's blocking that thinking process and they don't see that or maybe it's they don't care. They love their family and friends but when it comes down to it, its just them and their drug. Really though, how long can that precious drug last so long? It will run out and then you have to buy more; after that, same thing over again and then when it's all done, you just have yourself. What fun is that?
I wanna just grab him and SCREAMMM!!!!! He doesn't see what he's really doing to his family and myself! One of the only people in my life that can protect me and he does this? I dont get it.. everything was just so wonderful and I couldn't of felt better. I guess thats how it is though..you should never get your hopes up because once you put your guard down, someone is right there to come in and mess it all up and change your world to the other side then you have to start all over again and start building your wall up again. I really wish I could confide my trust in him like I've always wanted too but sometimes it's all up to them and they slowly but surely find out for themselves its them against the world and they can only trust themselves. I'm done trusting people and thinking their something and their not. I refuse to put myself through any of it, ever again. I will still love but, never trust. Then I think, how can I love someone that I don't trust? It should all come like a package right and I should know people who I can trust and love right? Well, life isn't like that and sometimes you don't get the full package and you have to take what you can get. I like to feel love for someone but when I put my trust in them and it gets snatched from me without having a say in it, I feel like a fool.
My skin is getting thicker and thicker each day life goes on and I love God more and more for it. I might not at the time but, in the end it all plays out because I'm getting stronger and stronger. Life puts obstacles in front of you all the time and it's up to you and only you to get through it and make it through the maze and try to get out of it. If you don't, you will just have a bunch of obstacles in front of the finish line and it's going to take longer and longer to get out the maze and you find yourself lost and don't know where to go or how to get out of it. I might not be able to trust the one person I love dearly with all my heart but I know I have alot of love for him and wish the best for him. I can't have his back anymore with things because he proved me wrong once again and the last time he will ever prove me wrong and make me look like a fool. You let me down once again. Your on your own now. Good luck and I love you....
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