two weeks (my life)

Well, I think it's fair to say that I can't just pick one topic about myself to write about and actually stay with it so I'm going to go with my life in general. Thats enough said. We just had break for two weeks and wow, it was one of the best two weeks of my life not including summer time. It was all just so bliss to me, I didn't have one dull moment unless I wanted to be taimed from my wild behavior haha. That's what I love about "free time"..when I want to be like a wild animal I can, and when I want to be in a more relaxed environment I can; it all works out for me. I don't wanna get cocky though because when that start to happens, it all comes shooting like the speed of lightning right back in my face. It's funny because I never REALLY realized how fast time really goes. It's a never ending story haha "story of my life" for real. I always wonder if I didn't do so much with my time if it would go by slower or if I wasn't having so much fun it would seem like things would slow down for me. These past two weeks it all went by way too fast like almost the fastest time of my life so far weird? I know. Maybe it's because I went to sleep when the sun was coming up and woke up when it was going down..that makes sense but, once again I have no regrets. My mom always tells me I need to slow down with things and I think about it for a quick second and think "hmm.. maybe I should? I'am getting older? But, why would I stop doing somthing if it all makes me happy? I don't want to be sad and all depressed. Don't get me wrong, I know what all that crap feels like and it pretty much sucks ass so I'm going to do everything in my power to NOT let those feelings come thru. Usually when this starts to happen I do somthing that makes me happy :) Sounds normal to me haha. I always knew alot of things could happen in one night but it never actually dawned on me. So much activity can happen in one night and the next night absolutely nothing can happen, i dont know i think thats kind of weird how one night can BAM! and the next night you can do really nothing at all. Maybe it's life giving us a break as strange as it sounds.


One of these night over break I was having a really deep conversation with my best friend Jacqui. It started getting not quite deep and more into an argument. It really pissed me off on what she was saying and she sounded so ignorant on everything she was saying and I couldn't help but call her stupid. I usually sit there and listen and "try" to takin in what the other person is saying and try to see it from their point of view but I really just couldn't do it this time with her. The topic was on "humans being selfish and how the world would be a better place if we all weren't here" both of our outlooks on everything was insane and so different and we couldn't even finish our conversation in a pleasing manner it ended with me being sarcastic towards her and making her feel bad. At the time I was trying to prove a point when I was being sarcastic but, I look back and know that wasn't a good way to handle it. I realized people have different views on things and people think opposite things. You can agree on one thing but, the other have a different aspect on it all and I think that's what make people seperate in relationships because we just think eachother is stupid and dont know what were talking about but, its not about us not knowing what were saying its just our opinion and how we think. Our brains are all different and agree on differernt things.



Alot of things have been going on in my life and at this point I think to myself I'm ready to break down everytime somthing happens or is said to me but, when it happens no emotion comes through me. I feel it in the inside but it doesn't show on my face. A couple years ago with what I'm going through with my parents and my dads situation I would of broken down way before now but I just haven't gotten to that point yet. I think it's me growing up and becoming stronger. I always think what hurts you only makes you stronger. I know everyone goes through things and at that moment we all think why is this happening to us and why me? You know? We never know at that point why this is happening but in the end we will find out answers, it all takes time. I always say time heals all pain and I have really found out that is the truth. What I love about life is that it really does always come in play and in your favor if you just let it all flow. I think to myself I just need to have a big cry and let it all out but then again i think why would I want that? I dont want to cry and feel the pain and let myself "let" the pain show through. I look at some people's lives and think they have it so good with all their money, all the talents they have etc but, I gotta start looking on what I love about what i have. I have strength, I have power, I have the ability to deal with things and get past them, and most of all I have a really big heart and I care about people and I think that will help me get by in life very swell..



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