parents

Parents are a huge part of their childrens lives and really do have a big impact on their childrens thoughts, actions, and life itself. I dont always think parents think that way. I woke up this morning to my parents arguing and yelling and I didnt think anything accept why cant they just get along? It really concerns me in a way of my own being. I dont want to end up like them. I dont want to end up having a horrible relationship with my husband after seventeen years together. What happens overtime with kids and their parents start showing in the later years and I really begin to see that happening with me. I wish I can just make everything better and make them get along but the damage is too far done and there is no going back in my eyes. Its hard to see both sides sometimes but I mostly do. Only because I love both of them so much I cant help but not. My mom always asks me if what my dad does has an impact on my life? I usually answer with "ofcourse it does mom" but, then its just back to whatever we were watching on t.v. or talking about. I cant really talk about my feelings with my mom like I want to, I dont think it will change anything. I have all these feelings inside of myself that build up overtimes of me not saying anything and then once somthing really huge happens I blow up and spit everything out at them. Thats not good because their not listening to what Im really saying, they are watching me blow up and hurt about the situation. I hope sometimes the look on my face is more clear to them then my words are. I woke up this morning asking my dad to take to school, I was still half asleep when I was talking to him. He said "no" right away so I screamed PRICK at him. Instantly he reacted and I could tell I said somthing wrong. After seventeen years I called him that. I could tell it was a word he never would of thought I would call him. It was funny because when my mom got home he told her what I said and she instantly said "olivia why would you say that"? so she was obviously concerned why I would call my dad that. Sometimes just one word you can say to someone has so much meaning behind it. You can confuse people one you just say "bitch", or "prick", or idiot". You just dont know whats behind it. Ofcourse you know what the word means but people can lash out in different ways. Well, when my mom stuck up for my dad right away I kinda had security that she still cared about him and that was a different feeling I have had in awhile towards them.