focus(free write(;scattered brain

My mind is continuing. I feel like I always say this in like almost every piece of writing I do thats either random or about myself. Ugh sometimes I really do feel crazy. I cant help it. People think Im on something but im not, i dunno..like i just get this burst of energy that i rarely ever get but then again i always get it. I feel so different from everyone else. Everyone is calm and can focus on their work and what they are told to do But I cant! I just talk and talk and talk! other days its like i dont wanna talk to anyone but today for some reason i wanna scream soooooooooooo loud! i wanna smoke a bunch of cigs and i wanna be around a bunch of ppl, i hope this is not a sign? okay now im just thinking crazy. Why do i always get paranoid?? i hate it! see before i was really happy but like everyone knows things dont last forever and i know for sure happiness does not! what if something bad happens to me? see now im just paranoid or thinking im jinxing it! I wonder what makes the brain work like this...what triggers people out of nowhere with no specific reason to just act so hyper and crazy and talk about things just randomly. My teahcers tell me to focus, i wanna be like do you really think i can focus now? When I say focus I think of medecine. My whole life my teachers have told me I should be on medecation err whatever, i tried it once and i hated it, i wasnt me anymore...why would i not want to be happy?? Focusing has so much defenition for it. You have to literally train your body and mind to focus, well for my atleast you do. I cant just sit there and listen and pay attention, I have to actually get my mind in a different setting and for me to really know whats going on I have to have no distractions and really focus in. I think my main non talented thing i can do if that even makes sense to you ppl, is FOCUSING! wtf??? how can ppl just focus like that? dont they have thoughts or any triggeres that are making them not? i know i do, maybe its controlling your thoughts and putting them off to another hour in your day to worry about them or to think about them. I cant do that. When I start thinking about somthing, ill just keep thinking and thinking about it and I might go onto another subject and be listening or whatever but in the back of my mind i still have that one thought! Focusing can get very complicated. i feel like im one of those hyper acting never ending crazy little 8 yr old boys who cant sit still, the only thing thats making me sit still is this screen im looking at and the keyboad for my fingers to move across, once i turn off this computer and im headed for my 6th hour. good luck cadex! lol just kidding but no really, hopefully ill be able to focus in his class cuz i think hes losing his patience with me.