songg and lyrics

Well, there are just too many song out that that symbolize my life. I feel like everytime I turn on the radio I say "story of my life" aha..alot of songs out there are about the same stuff you know mostly about love, love if you wanna call it that. I also find myself getting reminded of certain people when certain songs come on..I'll try to pick some out that I feel resemble my life, here I go!



"All the single ladies"-beyonce
I feel like everytime I have a big encounter with a guy and this song comes on, I get really happy because I feel like Im singing this song to them haha

"My life"-lil wayne
I feel him in this song and it makes me think about things closely.

"BITE DOWN"-BOYZ in da hood
All you need to know is those 2 words haha

"Come down"-bush
I just listened to this song on New years and I fell in love with it. I feel like I can relate to it alot and I just feel itttt, ya dig?

love and hate get it wrong
she cut me right back down to size
sleep the day let it fade
who was there to take your place


no one knows never will
mostly me but mostly you
what do you say do you do
when it all comes down


cause i don't want to come back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this time to find out what i need yeah


i don't want to come back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this all this time


there is no blame only shame
when you beg you just complain
the more i come the more i try
all police are paranoid


so am i so's the future
so are you be a creature
what do you say do you do
when it all comes down


cause i don't want to come back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this time to find out what i need yeah yeah yeah


i don't want to come back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this all this time


shoot up, shoot up, shoot up you're high
love and hate get it wrong
she cut me right down to size


sleep the day let it fade
who was there to take your place


no one knows never will
mostly me but mostly you
what do you say do ya do
when it all comes down


cause i don't want to come back down from this cloud
it's taken me all this time to find out what i need yeah yeah yeah


"Sober"-pink


I don’t wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don’t wanna be that call at 4 o’clock in the morning
‘Cos I’m the only one you know in the world that won’t be home

Aah the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
Oh, I am finding
That’s not the way I want my story to end

I’m safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like protection
How do I feel this good sober?

I don’t wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
Cryin’ scares me cause it screams the truth
Please don’t tell me that we had that conversation
I won’t remember, save your breath, ‘cos what’s the use?

Aah, the night/dawn is calling?
And it whispers to me softly come to/and play
Aah, I am falling
And If I let myself go I’m the only one to blame

I’m safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

I’m coming down, coming down, coming down
Spinning ’round, spinning ’round, spinning ’round
Looking for myself - SOBER (x2)

When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good till it goes bad
Till you’re trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a fit

Ooo Oooo

I’m safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like perfection
How do I feel this good sober

Ooo Ooo

No Pain
Inside
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party’s over?
No pain
Inside
You’re like perfection
How do I feel this good sober?

Will I ever feel this good sober?
Tell me, No no no no no pain
How do i feel this good sober?


"Looking in your big brown eyes"-UB40
(This song was a big part of my life in 2007 during summer. It brings back alot of memories to mind that make me very happy. My bestfriend Jacqui and I uset to play this song every single time in our friends peter car when we would hangout everyday and go to the back, it just is joyful to listne to)



"Just like a pill"-pink

I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a
shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me
itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes
being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me
ill
You keep makin' me ill



"Riot"-Three days Grace"
I feel like my group and I are always starting a riot somewhere haha no matter where we go, we end up starting a riot" its just fun haha



"gone forever"-three days grace

"Girls just wanna have fun"-Cyndi lofter

(This is basically STORY OF MY LIFE, mine and victors haha thats all we wanna do ya feel?

Trust, Family, and Love (once again, im a fool)

Just yesterday I was having such a great and fantastic day. I felt like life couldn't get better. I was in such a good mood, my dad was normal, my parents were getting along, I went out to eat with my family and my aunt that's in town for a week. I hung out with a few friends and still life was good. That all changed when I got home at 10 last night. Just when you think everything is good, life has to change its mind on you. I really didn't see it coming this time. I feel like a fool believing him and taking his word. One min you feel down and out the next, your up and in. I hate revolving my feelings around other people but it's easier said then done. When someone you love and care about does something upsetting, it's hard to not base your attitude on that particular situation. People don't understand that when they mess up or do something that they might regret the next day or a couple days later, people that love them get hurt in the process too. Thats the problem with addicts, theres a chemical embalance that's blocking that thinking process and they don't see that or maybe it's they don't care. They love their family and friends but when it comes down to it, its just them and their drug. Really though, how long can that precious drug last so long? It will run out and then you have to buy more; after that, same thing over again and then when it's all done, you just have yourself. What fun is that?


I wanna just grab him and SCREAMMM!!!!! He doesn't see what he's really doing to his family and myself! One of the only people in my life that can protect me and he does this? I dont get it.. everything was just so wonderful and I couldn't of felt better. I guess thats how it is though..you should never get your hopes up because once you put your guard down, someone is right there to come in and mess it all up and change your world to the other side then you have to start all over again and start building your wall up again. I really wish I could confide my trust in him like I've always wanted too but sometimes it's all up to them and they slowly but surely find out for themselves its them against the world and they can only trust themselves. I'm done trusting people and thinking their something and their not. I refuse to put myself through any of it, ever again. I will still love but, never trust. Then I think, how can I love someone that I don't trust? It should all come like a package right and I should know people who I can trust and love right? Well, life isn't like that and sometimes you don't get the full package and you have to take what you can get. I like to feel love for someone but when I put my trust in them and it gets snatched from me without having a say in it, I feel like a fool.


My skin is getting thicker and thicker each day life goes on and I love God more and more for it. I might not at the time but, in the end it all plays out because I'm getting stronger and stronger. Life puts obstacles in front of you all the time and it's up to you and only you to get through it and make it through the maze and try to get out of it. If you don't, you will just have a bunch of obstacles in front of the finish line and it's going to take longer and longer to get out the maze and you find yourself lost and don't know where to go or how to get out of it. I might not be able to trust the one person I love dearly with all my heart but I know I have alot of love for him and wish the best for him. I can't have his back anymore with things because he proved me wrong once again and the last time he will ever prove me wrong and make me look like a fool. You let me down once again. Your on your own now. Good luck and I love you....

part 3 continuing (lifeeeee)

Over the past week or so I've found myself in a weird state of my mind and I wouldn't say a bad one. I've been thinking about things more in depth and actually "caring" more about things that happen around me. I've cut a lot of things out of my life over the past couple weeks and I've been more in-tuned with my feelings and my emotions. In a way I like this side of me because it reminds myself on what I use't to be like before I started partying hard core like I do now. I think I'm more likable and people think I'm "nicer" I guess you could say. But on the other hand, I have nothing to escape to and I just have to deal with my emotions and for awhile there I was finding unhealthy ways to escape the feeling of actually having feelings. I see myself as a never ending addict, not meaning in drugs or alcohol in particular but just in everything. I think in my head i need certain things or activities I do to make it through the day. I have an addicting personality and once I do or try something I like and it makes me happy I think I need it everyday. I'm sure thats how all "addicts" are. For instance I just recently cut energy drinks,caffine, and fast food out of my diet and already I see a difference. My body is so use't to be builded up on caffine and now that I dont have it, its weird because I have cravings for Mountain Dew. I can just taste the first gulp of that sweet green pop I love biting my throat. Gosh, just writing and thinking about it makes me wanna go buy one at lunch, but I know I can't because then in my mind I'll think it's okay to just give up and start drinking it all the time I guess. I'm putting my mind and my body to a test. I know I'm not a weak person but when it comes to the things I'm "addicted" to or what I think about I'm very weak. Once I can get through about a month without it I'll be fine. Now that I dont actually insert caffine through my mouth..I'm starting to take caffine pills. Wow, I'm bad. That's what I'm talking about..my mind thinks I need it.


It's funny because it's a new year now and usually people have things they want to change about themselves for the new year and I didn't even think about this until now. I wasnt thinking about cutting all these things out of my because of the new year, I just did it because I want to be healthier. This is what I was talking about..I think life is just playing out for me and the main thing is because I'm growing up. Haha its almost scary! Me? Grown up? Never! Life is so overwhelming in general. Now I'm finding myself a cramp and words aren't coming otut accept for what I'm writing now. My mind is blank. I hate when this happens..I start to free write just with anything that pops up.



.......

it is what it is

the weekend (my life)

This weekend was not quite the exciting two days. Im getting to the point where I don't even want to go out anymore. Things are getting old and faces are becoming boring. Don't get me wrong, I love all my friends and love being around them but I think life has a new plan coming into play for me. It's almost like life is doing whats best for me and I dont really have to make the "right" decisions for me haha which is kinda nice I guess. I know in my head I have to slow down and stop driving in the fast lane but it's just so hard when the excitement and fun is right in front of your face. It's sad that it's a new year and that everything is coming to an end but it can also be a new beginning for me and that's how I have to look at it. It's sad that everything is just a memory now but thats how life is. A new year meets a new chapter in my life as well as everyone's life. It's just more space for new people to meet and new experiences made. There's alot of things I want to change and things I want to do and SOON! Getting back to what I was talking about, I feel that people and life is changing just like everything does. The friends I once hung out with are slowly but surely stepping back and the things I once did are not habits anymore. I have to focus on myself and whats going to make me a better person.


You know..it's funny because I always was the "party girl" or "party animal" but lately people are referring to me as the "drunk girl" and in my head I know that's not good and I don't like it very much at all so if I don't like something that's up to me to change it. I know thats not who I am....I don't want these to just be words of mine speaking and no actions back my statements up. I have to actually do them..One thing I hate is when people say something but they act another so like I say...I'll let my actions speak.



Friday night was once again another night that has made enemies and mistakes I'm sure people will regret. One night really can change everything but your persona on someone and what kind of person they are. My friends were having a party at their house and one of my friends boyfriends was drunk and like a drunk fool acts he started a fight with one of my good friends and they ended up fighting so then ofcourse everyone has to start fighting. To make a long story short I'll just bullet form what happened.

.Wes got a bottle smashed over his head and was bleeding tremendously out his head and he looked like Carrie (from the movie Carrie)

.Alanna got punched in the face by a dude

.Amanda got punched in the face by another guy like 4 times

.The window of the door in the duplex building got shattered

.Friends boyfriend who started the fight got a huge shiner on his eye and it was hard to even look at.

so basically...all this happened over FEET! Yeah, feet. My one good friend Akon has a phobia of feet and he told my friend who lives there boyfriend to put back on his socks because he took them off. Haha I know, pathetic. Worse of all my friends little baby boy was in his room the whole time sleeping so I wasn't worried about people acting like fools and fighting..I was worried about her baby. People don't even realize or care how dangerous and selfish they are being when they act like that. A little baby is in danger at this point and people should put their differences and calm down their temper at this point. People these days really act like immature little brats and have to ruin everything for everyone else and it really sucks. Maybe that's why I dont know about much parties going on anymore because everyone I bring or hangout with act like idiots and ruin the parties. Sad...hmmm...





(part of the 2 weeks post followed) My life.

two weeks (my life)

Well, I think it's fair to say that I can't just pick one topic about myself to write about and actually stay with it so I'm going to go with my life in general. Thats enough said. We just had break for two weeks and wow, it was one of the best two weeks of my life not including summer time. It was all just so bliss to me, I didn't have one dull moment unless I wanted to be taimed from my wild behavior haha. That's what I love about "free time"..when I want to be like a wild animal I can, and when I want to be in a more relaxed environment I can; it all works out for me. I don't wanna get cocky though because when that start to happens, it all comes shooting like the speed of lightning right back in my face. It's funny because I never REALLY realized how fast time really goes. It's a never ending story haha "story of my life" for real. I always wonder if I didn't do so much with my time if it would go by slower or if I wasn't having so much fun it would seem like things would slow down for me. These past two weeks it all went by way too fast like almost the fastest time of my life so far weird? I know. Maybe it's because I went to sleep when the sun was coming up and woke up when it was going down..that makes sense but, once again I have no regrets. My mom always tells me I need to slow down with things and I think about it for a quick second and think "hmm.. maybe I should? I'am getting older? But, why would I stop doing somthing if it all makes me happy? I don't want to be sad and all depressed. Don't get me wrong, I know what all that crap feels like and it pretty much sucks ass so I'm going to do everything in my power to NOT let those feelings come thru. Usually when this starts to happen I do somthing that makes me happy :) Sounds normal to me haha. I always knew alot of things could happen in one night but it never actually dawned on me. So much activity can happen in one night and the next night absolutely nothing can happen, i dont know i think thats kind of weird how one night can BAM! and the next night you can do really nothing at all. Maybe it's life giving us a break as strange as it sounds.


One of these night over break I was having a really deep conversation with my best friend Jacqui. It started getting not quite deep and more into an argument. It really pissed me off on what she was saying and she sounded so ignorant on everything she was saying and I couldn't help but call her stupid. I usually sit there and listen and "try" to takin in what the other person is saying and try to see it from their point of view but I really just couldn't do it this time with her. The topic was on "humans being selfish and how the world would be a better place if we all weren't here" both of our outlooks on everything was insane and so different and we couldn't even finish our conversation in a pleasing manner it ended with me being sarcastic towards her and making her feel bad. At the time I was trying to prove a point when I was being sarcastic but, I look back and know that wasn't a good way to handle it. I realized people have different views on things and people think opposite things. You can agree on one thing but, the other have a different aspect on it all and I think that's what make people seperate in relationships because we just think eachother is stupid and dont know what were talking about but, its not about us not knowing what were saying its just our opinion and how we think. Our brains are all different and agree on differernt things.



Alot of things have been going on in my life and at this point I think to myself I'm ready to break down everytime somthing happens or is said to me but, when it happens no emotion comes through me. I feel it in the inside but it doesn't show on my face. A couple years ago with what I'm going through with my parents and my dads situation I would of broken down way before now but I just haven't gotten to that point yet. I think it's me growing up and becoming stronger. I always think what hurts you only makes you stronger. I know everyone goes through things and at that moment we all think why is this happening to us and why me? You know? We never know at that point why this is happening but in the end we will find out answers, it all takes time. I always say time heals all pain and I have really found out that is the truth. What I love about life is that it really does always come in play and in your favor if you just let it all flow. I think to myself I just need to have a big cry and let it all out but then again i think why would I want that? I dont want to cry and feel the pain and let myself "let" the pain show through. I look at some people's lives and think they have it so good with all their money, all the talents they have etc but, I gotta start looking on what I love about what i have. I have strength, I have power, I have the ability to deal with things and get past them, and most of all I have a really big heart and I care about people and I think that will help me get by in life very swell..



continued...